What Children Need During a Separation or Divorce

By Hampton Pigott Staff
Posted on 1-1-2025

A new year sometimes means new beginnings. It’s a sad truth that in our day and age, many marriages that started with love and the best intentions come to an end. Separation or divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences a family goes through, especially for children. While it’s natural for parents to focus on legal and logistical issues during this time, understanding and addressing the emotional needs of children is crucial. Supporting your kids through this transition ensures they feel secure, loved, and understood as their family dynamic changes. Over the next couple of articles, we will delve into what we at Hampton and Pigott have seen that children need during and after a separation or divorce.

Reassurance of Love and Stability

Children often fear that divorce means they are losing their family or that their parents may stop loving them. Reassure them repeatedly that both parents will always love them and that the divorce is not their fault.

• What to say: “We both love you very much, and that will never change.”
• What to do: Create consistent routines in both households to give children a sense of stability.

Honest and Age-Appropriate Communication

Children need to understand what’s happening in a way that is appropriate for their age and maturity level. Keeping them informed prevents confusion and helps build trust.

• What to avoid: Sharing unnecessary details about the separation, such as conflicts between parents.
• What to do: Use simple language, like, “We’re living in different houses because we’re not getting along, but we’re both here for you.”

Permission to Express Their Feelings

Children may experience a range of emotions during a divorce, including sadness, anger, confusion, or even guilt. Give them the space and freedom to express how they feel without fear of judgment.

• What to say: “It’s okay to feel sad or upset. I’m here to listen.”
• What to do: Encourage open communication through conversations, journaling, or creative outlets like drawing.

Consistency and Predictability

Divorce often brings significant changes, which can make children feel unsettled. Maintaining as much consistency as possible in their daily routines—like school, extracurricular activities, and bedtime—can provide a sense of normalcy.

• What to avoid: Sudden, drastic changes without explanation.
• What to do: Coordinate schedules with your co-parent to ensure routines are upheld in both households.

In the moment, it can feel like you are hit with a ton of bricks, as the saying goes. But everyone can make it through, as difficult as that sounds. Divorce is never easy, but with intentional support, children can navigate this transition and emerge resilient. By providing reassurance and open communication during the separation, you can help your children feel secure and supported during this challenging time. But what do you do once the dust settles? That’s what we will cover in our next article.