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Twas the Night Before Christmas (Legal Edition)

By David J. Pigott, Esq.
Posted on 12-24-2017
CATEGORIES: Business Law

Twas the night before Christmas, when the elves thought it’d be cute

To hit dear old Santa with a labor dispute.

It seems old Saint Nick had a duty of care,

And the elves all agreed, their pay was unfair.

Santa’s lawyers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of slip-and-falls danced in their heads.

Audie was resting ‘neith his dim reading lamp,

Sheryl finally put down her new notary stamp.

When out of my phone there arose such a clatter,

I ran to my desk! We had a new matter!

My hand grabbed the receiver to see who it was,

Maybe a client got nabbed by the fuzz.

The voice on the line was panicked and quick

I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

“Hampton & Pigott,” I said with a smile,

As I looked all around for my Kris Cringle file.

“Dave, I need help!” Santa said in a rage,

“My elves are demanding the minimum wage!”

“That Yukon Cornelius, the miner plays dirty!”

“He told them about Colorado’s Wage Order Thirty!”

I took a deep breath, and I let out a sigh

I knew what to say to this magical guy:

“Come the first of the year, you won’t have the power

To pay those elves less than eight dollars an hour.”

“There are a few other things you may want to know

Before you hang up and head out in the snow.”

“There’s a good chance you’ll end up in Court,

If you fire an elf over a credit report.”

“I’m sure all your workers have facebook and linkedin.”

I paused for a moment to let that sink in.

“If you demand access to old Rudolph’s wall

He can lodge a complaint with your own city hall.”

I sat back in my chair, and I waited to hear

What my jolly friend thought of the laws passed this year.

“You know what, Dave,” he said with a laugh,

“I know what I’ll do. I’ll talk to my staff.”

“My elves are good workers, my reindeer are too.”

“I think it’s time we had a policy review.”

“I’ll give them a raise, and cut them some slack.”

“I want a strong team and my workshop on track.”

Santa hung up the phone and turned to his elves:

“You’ll get your raise, now get these toys off the shelves!”

They all got to work and loaded the sleigh

As Santa got ready for a great Christmas Day.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

The elves heard him exclaim, as he adjusted his hat…

Merry Christmas to lawyers… or something like that.