Needs of Children After a Separation or Divorce

By Hampton Pigott Staff
Posted on 2-1-2025

We continue to discuss this sensitive topic that began in our last article. In last month’s post, we discussed how to help children during a separation. Now we will cover what we at Hampton and Pigott have found that helps them after. These are things that parents can do once everyone is settling into their new roles and adjusting to new normals. As we mentioned before, this transition can be shocking, so no doubt all involved want children to feel safe, loved, and understood as their family dynamic changes. Here are some tips we have seen that help soften the blow of this difficult transition.

A Conflict-Free Environment

Witnessing arguments or hostility between parents can be deeply distressing for children. They should never feel caught in the middle or forced to take sides.

• What to avoid: Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child.
• What to do: Use neutral communication tools and seek mediation if necessary to resolve disagreements.

Quality Time with Both Parents

Children benefit from maintaining strong relationships with both parents, provided that the relationships are healthy. Spending quality time with each parent helps them feel secure and valued.

• What to avoid: Cancelling plans or showing inconsistency in visitation.
• What to do: Schedule regular, meaningful time together, whether through shared activities, meals, or simply being present.

A Support Network

In addition to their parents, children may need other trusted adults to lean on, such as grandparents, teachers, or family friends. Professional counseling or support groups can also be invaluable.

• What to do: Let children know it’s okay to talk to others if they need extra support.
• Resources: Seek out books, counselors, or peer groups designed for children experiencing divorce.

Assurance That It’s Not Their Fault

It’s common for children to blame themselves for their parents’ separation, especially younger ones. Make it clear that they are not responsible for the divorce.

• What to say: “This is a decision we made as adults. It has nothing to do with anything you said or did.”
• What to do: Reinforce this message regularly through words and actions.

Patience, Understanding, and Time to Adjust

Children may act out or regress during a divorce due to confusion or emotional distress. Approach these behaviors with patience rather than frustration. Adjusting to a new family dynamic takes time. Avoid rushing the process or expecting them to adapt immediately.

• What to avoid: Punishing them for behavior changes without considering the emotional root causes.
• What to do: Offer reassurance and address the underlying emotions behind their actions.
• What to say: “It’s okay if this feels hard right now. We’ll figure it out together.”

We hope that you have seen by now that you and your family can come out the other side of this successfully. Divorce doesn’t have to be a permanent stain on your family’s happy memories. By providing a loving environment, you can help your children feel they have the space and permission to adjust to the new situation on their own time. Remember, their emotional well-being is the top priority, and your efforts to meet their needs will make a lasting difference in their lives.